Hi Joey
Hi Brian, is space big?
Yes ...space is fucking massive
What bigger than a bread bin?
Yes much bigger
Bigger than Kanye’s ego?
No, scientists agree that's unlikely
So tell me how big?
Well let's start off small do you know what a solar system is?
Is it a toilet? is it a toilet with solar panels?
Er no.. not really... planet Earth is part of the solar system with the sun at the centre, and orbiting planets Mercury Venus Earth Mars Saturn Jupiter ...Uranus
This joke is too easy... shall we just move on here Brian?
Yes. Then onto Neptune and Pluto. Pluto is so far away even in our fastest spaceship it took 8 years
Well how fast was it going?
You know when your mates are driving their Golf GTI flat out and a bit of poo is coming out of your bum?
Yes
Well the spaceship was going 350 times faster than that... you’d shit yourself inside out
Did they stop at a parking meteor?
So even when we get to Pluto, we're not even halfway across the Solar System we’re only now in the kuiper belt
Belt? I've heard of a kipper tie?
Joey why are you so brown?
People said I should get well red before I met you.
The Kuiper belt is 30 astronomical units away and is 20 astronomical units wide
My uncle bought a unit in Billericay he said that that was astronomical!
Ah .. an astronomical unit is a distance of about 93 Million Miles basically from here to the sun and Pluto is 30 x further away And the kuiper belt carries on for a further 50 times further away.
Crikey Kuiper was some Fat Bastard to wear a belt like that
Joey how did your barber get your hair like that?
Eclipse it
So you've traveled 4.7 billion miles to pluto , now Voyager 1 has been traveling since the time of Kipper ties, and after 35 years it made it to 133 astronomical units and has finally reached the other side of the kuiper belt, which even takes light 7 hours to get to.
So is that it? has it reached the edge of the universe?
Oh no we haven't got to the oort cloud yet! that's where some comets come from
I bought a washing machine at comet and it didn't take that long to get there
We're now 3000 times further the away from the Sun and on it's present course Voyager should get past the Oort Cloud in 28000 years
Get out of town, but we’re near the edge of the universe right?
No we haven't even got to the nearest star, Voyager would take 76000 years to get to the nearest star and that's going 430 times faster than Concord, it's 270,000 times further away from the sun so we’re getting into silly far away now ...it takes 4 years for light to get there... the star is called Proxima centauri
Was it named after a Roman? I'm sure I dressed up as him once, is that what people mean when they say I'm a star?
I wouldn't like to comet. Now ALL the Stars we see in the night sky are revolving around a massive black hole at the centre of our Galaxy called the milky way, there's hundreds of billions of them ...more stars than grains of sand on all the beaches in all the world, and the space between each of them is about 30 trillion miles! and nothing in between... just the vacuum of Space.
What... there is a cleaner of space?
Other than Ajax no. The Galaxy is 100,000 light years across and it's a spinning disc of stars!
But correct me if I'm wrong Brian, if was to travel near the speed of light, it would only take me a few years to cross the Galaxy due to Einstein's time dilation effect
Go on...
But observers on earth would see me travelling for 1000s of generations. Peter Andre told me that!
I think he is right Joey.
Pete is well cool. The galaxy. that's it ...that's the edge of the universe right?
That's what everyone thought it turns out in the last century we discovered that it's just the start, there are hundreds of millions of galaxies stretching out 13.8 billion light years in every direction.
Is that it?
No one knows, the universe is only 13.8 billion years old so we can only see this far, as light has only had that long to travel. But also space is expanding so fast, maybe faster than light in some places, we can never see the edge!
My head hurts now
I know ...so does mine
Brian you've taught me space is fucking massive. but also it's not very funny is it?
No
I feel sorry for anyone reading this conversation. But I will say this, I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone… then it dawned on me!
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